All things running.
Running. Some people like it; some people don't. No big deal really.
For some reason I love it. My body craves it. It fills my soul like no other.
I've had quite the journey with running.
In high school I ran to stay in shape for soccer and softball.
My senior year things started to drift and I started running a mile or two every day because I wasn't 'thin' enough. I wanted to look better.
Throughout College I ran a mile or two almost every dang day because I was so terrified of gaining the 'freshman 15'.
My freshman year I am pretty sure I lost weight, I was super anxious & hated being away from home. That summer I got home and said screw it all, Even though I had transitioned home it was a difficult transition and I just ate, I ate binged, and binged some more until I had gained about 15lbs and then I looked in the mirror and had no freaken idea who the hell I was. SO then the vicious cycle of binging and purging began. How or WHY I started it I really can't tell you. I just did it and cried a lot.
When I went back to school I told myself I had to get myself together and just be 'healthy'.
Unfortunately I didn't know what that meant. I would starve myself and run and do pushups and situps in my dorm room. At some point I got tired of not eating and I just wanted to EAT. I slowly started to balance myself with better eating and going to the gym with some of my suit-mates. That summer I really focused on staying active but it was for all the wrong reasons. I was so self conscious and just hated the way looked on all levels. Again where or how this ever started I really can't tell you...its just the way I felt.
My Junior year I met my bestie Christie. We hit it off instantly, we both had a love for fitness and started running together. We both had grown up in religious households and would attend bible study weekly together. I finally had someone that totally understood me! We were basically inseparable from then on; and I think it was through our struggles together and our faith that we finally were happy just BEING, just being us, workouts were fun because they made us feel better (and made us have cute butts ;) )
Life took lots of twists and turns from their, I got into an abusive relationship right after college thinking HE was the one and I did whatever he told me too, and believed anything he said. He was not nice, and made me feel ugly and worthless. I ran off and on during this time but again it was ALL for the wrong reasons...to make someone else happy and to change the way I looked.
Thank goodness the Lord worked his ways into that relationship and after three long years He ended it, I was heart-broken, devastated. I turned to drinking and smoking for a good year to hide my brokenness that I felt. One day my father looked at me and he said I'm so tired of seeing you unhappy. You have GOT to move on. So I did.
and guess what; I STARTED RUNNING! AGAIN! I ran and sucked at it; and cried a lot but it made ME FEEL GOOD. I didn't care how fast, how slow or what I looked like I just freaken ran because it made me happier. It made me feel like I was worth something. That my life mattered too.
I told myself If I could run 2 miles, I could run 3, 3 turned into 4, 4 turned into 6, 6 turned into 13.1, turned into 26.2.
I met my now husband through our interest in running.
And I am STILL running.
But now, now I run for ME. I run because I like the way it makes me feel, It gives me energy, it relieves stress, it seriously works some sort of magic in my brain that no other workout can. I run because I like to push myself and see what I am capable of. I no longer run because I want to look like that girl, or because I want to stay thin. I run because I FREAKEN CAN. I have two legs, two arms, good lungs and a heart so why wouldn't I run. If I wake up and live another day, thats another day of life so I better run and make the best of it.
If you are still reading this. Thank you. Thank you for letting me share with you. It's taken me a lot to share that and I hope it inspires some of you to realize that you are BEAUTIFUL IN THE SKIN YOU ARE IN. Do not let anyone ever tell you otherwise.
I love you!
OH ! and Stay tuned for some BIG NEWS running related! EEEKK!
PEACE!
For some reason I love it. My body craves it. It fills my soul like no other.
I've had quite the journey with running.
In high school I ran to stay in shape for soccer and softball.
My senior year things started to drift and I started running a mile or two every day because I wasn't 'thin' enough. I wanted to look better.
Throughout College I ran a mile or two almost every dang day because I was so terrified of gaining the 'freshman 15'.
My freshman year I am pretty sure I lost weight, I was super anxious & hated being away from home. That summer I got home and said screw it all, Even though I had transitioned home it was a difficult transition and I just ate, I ate binged, and binged some more until I had gained about 15lbs and then I looked in the mirror and had no freaken idea who the hell I was. SO then the vicious cycle of binging and purging began. How or WHY I started it I really can't tell you. I just did it and cried a lot.
When I went back to school I told myself I had to get myself together and just be 'healthy'.
Unfortunately I didn't know what that meant. I would starve myself and run and do pushups and situps in my dorm room. At some point I got tired of not eating and I just wanted to EAT. I slowly started to balance myself with better eating and going to the gym with some of my suit-mates. That summer I really focused on staying active but it was for all the wrong reasons. I was so self conscious and just hated the way looked on all levels. Again where or how this ever started I really can't tell you...its just the way I felt.
My Junior year I met my bestie Christie. We hit it off instantly, we both had a love for fitness and started running together. We both had grown up in religious households and would attend bible study weekly together. I finally had someone that totally understood me! We were basically inseparable from then on; and I think it was through our struggles together and our faith that we finally were happy just BEING, just being us, workouts were fun because they made us feel better (and made us have cute butts ;) )
Life took lots of twists and turns from their, I got into an abusive relationship right after college thinking HE was the one and I did whatever he told me too, and believed anything he said. He was not nice, and made me feel ugly and worthless. I ran off and on during this time but again it was ALL for the wrong reasons...to make someone else happy and to change the way I looked.
Thank goodness the Lord worked his ways into that relationship and after three long years He ended it, I was heart-broken, devastated. I turned to drinking and smoking for a good year to hide my brokenness that I felt. One day my father looked at me and he said I'm so tired of seeing you unhappy. You have GOT to move on. So I did.
and guess what; I STARTED RUNNING! AGAIN! I ran and sucked at it; and cried a lot but it made ME FEEL GOOD. I didn't care how fast, how slow or what I looked like I just freaken ran because it made me happier. It made me feel like I was worth something. That my life mattered too.
 |
| running a mountain race with the hubs...19 weeks preggo here! |
I told myself If I could run 2 miles, I could run 3, 3 turned into 4, 4 turned into 6, 6 turned into 13.1, turned into 26.2.
I met my now husband through our interest in running.
And I am STILL running.
 |
| First PP race with my first son Island Vines 10k |
If you are still reading this. Thank you. Thank you for letting me share with you. It's taken me a lot to share that and I hope it inspires some of you to realize that you are BEAUTIFUL IN THE SKIN YOU ARE IN. Do not let anyone ever tell you otherwise.
I love you!
OH ! and Stay tuned for some BIG NEWS running related! EEEKK!
PEACE!
 |
| Running with BOTH my boys in a dualie...This momma's got muscles! lol |
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ReplyDeleteLove your story! Because it's honest and unfiltered. I love you and I best is yet to come for all of us :)
ReplyDeleteJen